Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
