Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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