then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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