This girl is more easily done than said...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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