I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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