Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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