is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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