He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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