this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
