i don't plan on having that self control this summer
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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