I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
