I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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