I feel like abortions should bother me more
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
