11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I want her autograph on my taint
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
