My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
