so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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