im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
