I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
