next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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