Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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