bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Success! We fucked roommates!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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