yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
