I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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