Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think your dad took our porno
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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