Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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