Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Someone stole a lamp last night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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