he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
