Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
