somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
