is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
