if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
