Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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