he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
