upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
