You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
