It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
