I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Randomize
