I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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