so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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