My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
