I'm jealous of your bromance
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
