Im at strip club and am horny
there's paper in my vomit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
