dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
worst night to have a conscience
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
