Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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