You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
