she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
