Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
