I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
