Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
