Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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