whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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